Laugh of the Day

[vincent]

little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

the teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him"
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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia...

He was having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam at the hotel's
coffee house.

A Malaysian man, who was chewing gum, sat down next to him & started a
casual conversation.

Malaysian : "You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?"

Singaporean : "Of course."

Malaysian: "We don't. In Malaysia, we only eat what's inside.
The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into
croissants & sell them across to Singapore."

The Malaysian then had a smirk on his face while the Singaporean listened
in silence.

Malaysian: "Do you eat the jam with the bread?"

Singaporean : "Of course."

Malaysian (chuckling): "We don't. In Malaysia, we eat fresh fruit for
breakfast, and then we put all the peels, seeds & other
left-overs in a container, recycle them, transform them into jam before we
sell it across to Singapore."

This time, the Singaporean retorted: "Do you have sex in Malaysia?"

Malaysian : "Why, of course we do"

Singaporean : "Do you wear protection"

Malaysian: "Of course! We wear condoms.

Singaporean: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've
used them?"

Malaysian: "Stupid question! Of course we throw them away."

Singaporean: "We don't. In Singapore, the government secretly
puts them in a container, recycle them melt them down into chewing gum &
sell them across to Malaysia... & that's the real reason why we banned
chewing gum in Singapore."